IKEA will be the death of us all

Work in progres...

CHORUS
G C
IKEA will be the death of us all
D G
They’ll find us lying on the same linoleum floor
Em
The death of mankind
C
Cruel and unkind
D G
Masterminded by Swedish design

Dinner party soundtrack

INTRO
G Em
Music like wine, you find it hard to define
Am C
You go with what your friends have

You pick the bland stuff, don’t want to rock the boat
You’ve struck it lucky, this album’s for you

VERSES
Now you can
G Em C D
Play this album at your dinner parties
Softly in the background, you’ll hardly notice it’s there

The melodies are subtle and it’s a very rich sound
The producer was top notch and the band is sublime

So I hope you, play this album at your dinner parties
Every aspect has been carefully designed

It’s mostly choruses on steady repeat
None of the bones, just all of the meat

I hope you, play this album at your dinner parties
It won’t upset you there are no big ideas

The lyrics are vague, the singing mumbled
You can make it mean whatever you want

So go and, play this album at your dinner parties
Impress your friends with something they haven’t heard of

Mock their taste and say they’re so out of touch
Tell them they're obviously not getting out very much

Then they will, buy this album for their dinner parties
Soon my music will be everywhere

Etc.

Survivors

VERSE 1
G
We’ll have three days before the breakdown
C
That’s not enough time to get ourselves organized
G
I booked us in a practice at the paint ball park
C
The welts will be a small price to pay

CHORUS
C D
The white boys are already in gangs
C D
The Chinese are sure to stick together
C D
It’s the solitary loners that will have to stick together
C D
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

VERSE 3
Water's the most important thing, I will find some plastic barrels
We'll need plenty of canned food
When the supermarket rush starts and the panic sets in
That’s when you’ll be offering me your thanks

CHORUS 2
The Muslims are already organized
The Catholics have castles in every town
It’s us isolated atheists that will need a helping hand
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

INSTRUMENTAL

CHORUS 3
The Poles have all the practical skills
The Americans are naturally prepared
What good is a graphic designer when the power goes out
Come the end I’ll need to know that I have friends

The cabin song

VERSE 1
Am C G
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
Am C G
There ain’t nobody for miles around
Am C G
No electricity, or telephone
Am C G
I really like living by my own
F
I’m authentic
Dm C G
This is my cabin song
Dm C G
This is my cabin song

VERSE 2
I’m sitting on my Daddy’s trunk
Filled with all his worldly junk
He died when I was only nine
Now his sorrow has turned into mine
I’m depressed
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 3
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
Eating a deer that I killed myself
I chased it cos I don’t own a gun
And I’m eating it raw cos I can’t afford a fire
I’m stone cold poor
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 4
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
A cabin that I built myself
That wall there’s from my brother’s boat
He could never get that damn thing to float
I’m a self-made man
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

VERSE 5
I’m sitting in a cabin in the woods
With only my guitar for company
I write songs about my cabin and the woods
And a cousin that I almost kissed
That one big chance for love I missed
They’re getting me lots of hits on my myspace
And they say that I will be a star
I’m big in Europe
This is my cabin song
This is my cabin song

The ballad of Jolie Holland

VERSE 1
G Dm C
As you shuffled on stage I knew we were in for trouble
You looked like you’d rather be anywhere but there

You started playing and it was nothing like the CD
None of the, none of the energy
Your voice was way too much in the background
And that can’t be the band that played on the album

CHORUS
In short,
It was a big disappointment to see you live [3 gospel singers]
A real letdown [Jack]

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I’d been looking forward to it

It was a big disappointment to see you live
It was a shock

It was a big disappointment to see you live
You must have a great producer

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Although you’re co-credited

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Maybe live’s not your forte

It was a big disappointment to see you live
Or maybe you were just having an off-day

VERSE 2
Halfway through I made my way over to he sound guy
I said what’s going on this is nothing like the CD
He said son she’s like this every night

You were complaining about the lighting
You’re on stage for Christ’s sake
You know it’s insecurity with a lot of artists
I hope you can turn it around - It’s so unnecessary

CHORUS
It was a big disappointment to see you live
Tom Waits would be turning in his grave

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I think I’ve made my feelings clear

It was a big disappointment to see you live
I’d still go and see you again

It was a big disappointment to see you live
But I might heckle

Mad men

F
When you work in advertising
Bf
People want to know your name
G
They want to hear about what you do
C
They know people look up to you

When they hear you work in advertising
Young girls often wet themselves
Big men want to hold your hand
Policeman want a lock of your hair

When you work in advertising
Everybody wants to be your friend
Cos they think that you know people
People who know people

Who don’t work in advertising
But are actually on TV
And who all their friends have heard of
But until then you will do

Cos you work in advertising
And it’s all money for nothing
You sell microwaves and color TVs
And you get your chicks for free

When you work in advertising
People want to go down on you
Work on your whims and wants
In elevators and restaurants

[Hammond solo]

When you work in advertising
You are the epitomy of cool
Almost as good as being a rockstar
Much better than being a doctor

Cos when you work in advertising
You’re saving people’s lives
Helping them to get better things
And… and… buy stuff

When you work in advertising
You’ll never be alone again
And be asked to all the parties
Women want to have your babies!

[Slap bass solo]

[The breakdown]

Etc.

Five years on

Inspired by David Bowie's 5 years. An updated version

VERSE
Am
Pushing through town to the market square
C Em
I new I’d get to see all the action there

They’d set up a stage and an enormous screen
It played out exactly as they’d clearly foreseen

The news guy was laughing loud with relief
Proud that he always held the belief

The countdown started and we all held our breath
To see if it would be a slow or sudden death

CHORUS
C Am
The five years are finally over
Em G
It’s the waiting that was killing me

Five years of fear and frustration
And a deep dull pain in my brain

But now the five years are finally over
And now we’re really at the end

VERSE 2
A girl my age went running off ahead
Mumbling something ‘bout going back to bed

A priest in the corner was reading us the rights
He could hardly be heard above the noise of the fights

While two young lovers not so worried about sin
Were getting the last of the loving in

You went looking for ice creams tall and long
Saying you didn’t want to be in a song

CHORUS

MIDDLE
F C G
I had still so much left undone
F C G
Like having a lifetime of low down, getting down, deeper done fun

CHORUS